ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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