His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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