youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
barbara walters just said penis...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
