I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He has the fingertips of a God
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