Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
