i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
What a dumb baby whore.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
