he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
