I'm really into asian looking animals
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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