Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
now i know why i became what i already was.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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