The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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