he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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