I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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