Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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