You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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