i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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