i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
