I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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