i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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