Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
