i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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