a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
