Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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