I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
