chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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