Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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