Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
