she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
