$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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