At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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