i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
