Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
