mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
