I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
