If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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