im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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