i jhust puked up my retainher.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
