Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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