Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
