we're blogging at a bar
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
