Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
