so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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