I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
