I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
