margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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