i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
