i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
