God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
