I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize