Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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