the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
