I wish I could punch you in the face.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
