We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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