I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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